Not Knowing Is Part of the Work

This comes up in supervision a lot—the moment when a therapist says, “I didn’t know what to do.”  And underneath that is usually a kind of quiet panic.  Like not knowing means we’ve missed something… or done something wrong.

But not knowing is part of the work.  Not just for the client—for us, too.  Therapy isn’t a process where one person knows and the other doesn’t. It’s a space where both people are often sitting in something that isn’t fully clear yet.  And that’s uncomfortable.

Most of us aren’t taught how to stay with uncertainty. We’re taught to move out of it—by figuring it out, naming it, doing something.  But sometimes the work is happening inside that uncertainty.

When a session feels quiet, or unclear, or like nothing is happening, the instinct is to fill it.  To ask another question.  To shift direction.  To offer something—anything—that feels like movement.  But not every moment needs to be moved.

Sometimes what’s needed is the ability to stay.  Not knowing doesn’t mean we’re off track.  It might mean we’re close to something that hasn’t taken shape yet.  And part of the work—on both sides of the room—is learning how to be there… without rushing to resolve it.